Pt 23: Bling Master

Tuesday June 7th, 2016
7:06am (4 3/4 hours of sleep)

Willing Will to wile a while, was nothing of a sanity kick. Tranquing was the answer the judge was looking for. If I hadn't known better, I would have said the walls were shrinking. Thankfully, hammers weren't the worst people one was ever going to meet for tea and lighter refreshments. All in all, this made the count a very nervous nellie.

Taxing the poor to build his super plex, the king of Tunisia ended up building the smallest super plex in the world. I guess taking money I guess taking money from poor people didn't pay that well.

Jerry Simon was quite the Bling Master. This meant he could manipulate the physical properties of wealth. It has always been considered one of the rarest forms of wizardry. Jerry had been gifted the title and powers of Bling Master as a youth by the traveling bigger Shaharsafasha. Only on his 15th birthday did Jerry feel competent enough to use his power regularly in public.

Taking issue with issue #43 of Taku Maku Man was Geraldine's only way of getting even with her ex-lover and sole creator of Taku Maku Man, Tanzo Horizama.

Taking cues from his great aunts, Philip Kim found that being manipulative was the source of his power. Zero cares of how that made everyone else feel, was issued to the Order of Meh. Taking sides was the hardest thing anyone could have done in the hopes of being fond of geese.

Puce people made Billy a little nauseous. He didn't mean anything personal and absolutely didn't mean for it to be a racial issue but he would just be hit by a wave of nausea.

Being queasy was a life style choice enjoyed by the denizens of Foulantia. While standing on angry badgers and hives of infuriated bees was a life style choice of Gary Filander of Portabolagnia. If anyone told him of the dangers his life style had on himself and the people around him, he would scream at them for acts of discrimination against action men.

Terry lay in bed wondering if he had passed on or if he still owed Tommy fifty bucks.

Pt 22: The Lady

Monday June 6th, 2016
8:12 am (6 1/2 hours of sleep)

Fighting for freedom, a slave to my own base needs, I stumbled on with a hope of finding some semblance of respite from myself. Quests didn't often take the form this one seemed to have. I had been awoken in the middle of the night by a sharp rapping of knuckles on my door. My great grandmother had shuffled down the hall to my bedroom declaring her need for ice cream.

I found myself half asleep, wishing for a full night's rest, stumbling down the streets of Carhatia looking for a late night shop with ice cream in stock. I felt as though I needed a troll to slay and a soft bed to rest. I approached Old Man Fizzlei at his nightly post to enquire of a late night sweet shop when I saw her. The Maiden of Lake Carhatia wandering the streets just as I. She was a beautiful creature though her reclusive nature and dwelling far from civilization meant she was rarely spotted by any other than the old watch himself. Captured as her beauty was in the moonlight, there came a quest of my own playing out upon my heart. This quest, to discover the nature of such a forlorn existence of so fair a being. Why would she forsake humanity to dwell by the cursed waters of that lake? Upon asking Old Man Fizzlei all he knew, he gave me but a simple warning. To forsake all inquisitive feelings of that fair young woman.

The nightly mists grew more and more deadening any sounds and casting them silently to the darkest parts of night. Any light reflecting off of her seemed to shimmer through the mists, piercing through the darkest shadows and planting themselves deeply within my being. I wanted to know her. I needed to know the truth of who she had been and who she had come to be. Her beauty emboldened me with a courage I had never experienced and with it, I followed her.

After some time of wandering the streets through the thick swirling fog, she saw me and immediately gave a spirited chase. Through the winding streets she retreated leading me back to the lake. The waters still, dark, and foreboding with fog hanging just above so thick you could not see the far shore.

I had lost sight of her but knew her dwelling must be near. After skirting the edge of the lake, I came across a cave obscured from the road. Dark, damp, and musty the cave gave me a feeling of retreat. However, the need to know my jewel of the night was a far greater sensation, so I pressed on.

I wondered how long it might take for her to make amends with civilization so I may bring her home and care for her. My thoughts drifted to adventures through life we would share and of a history we would create together. When, letting out a cry of terror, I found the long decomposed remains of a young woman resting among the rocks just past the mouth of the cave.

I started to make my way from the cave saddened and shocked by my discovery, when out from the recesses of that gaping earthy maw came a  dark form which barreled me over into the shallows of the lake. Cold hands clutched my throat forcing my head beneath the surface. I struggled and thrashed wildly about, expending much effort. Though the being resting upon my chest would not be moved. I gazed up through the water as life left my body and saw the face of death itself looming over me.

Now, if you find yourself wandering through the misty streets at night and down upon that shore, you will hear a weeping and calling. For my lady love is bound to the town and cave where she was slain. While I am bound somewhere deeper in need of a friend.

Pt 21: Shock and Awe

Sunday June 5th, 2016
7:14 am (4 2/3 hours of sleep)

"Shock and awe" isn't what I would call Barry Manilow's music. My grandmother always did have one active imagination. "Timing could have been better" said the wizard of the clock. Bags and bags of oodles and oodles were all that was left of the shopping mall after the gas leak left everything whining and wanting more.

Taken over by a mad man, the TGIF's staff feared for their lives and paychecks. Twisted in the moment of truth I found nothing but lies come tumbling out of my face. Leaving much and more being made up and not quite enough of what comprised "truth" in this reality was said. She didn't need to know that. She didn't need to know I had discovered odd markings of aubergine and puce running, and I mean running, up and down my arm. It made it difficult to read, this constantly shifting and transient wording. In all likelihood it's a warning of this realities great enchanter. There always seems to be at least one great enchanter in any given universe.

Two for one deals leave nothing but the misery of the hunt in the minds of young men.

Newt was a very good thief. He knew what kind of trades one could get in the wars that destroyed his home. Unfortunately there wasn't much left of a after those cataclysmic years. So he reverted to taking other people's stuff. Donalingus was the worst disease one could get in his home town. Were you to catch it, you would be forced to tell the truth and make your confessions known in front of everybody. Then your kidneys would shut down. Nobody thought it was good. Nobody except The Ministry of Truth who, for a season, used it as a means of interrogation. Nowadays people in the ministry were just looking for replacements for their kidneys.

Taken for granted, Seilana found her greatest strength in life didn't come from anybody else but from herself. Whoever she thought she was, was who she presented herself to be. Nobody could make her think otherwise.

Pt 20: Civil Duty

Saturday June 4th, 2016
9:30 am (8 hours of sleep)

The bunny brigade squadron #9 was the hippiest and hoppiest of the wartime bunny squads. Sheri Duboui made sure her land holdings never got into her brother's clutches. She knew exactly how to stare off into nothingness like the rest of her gal pals.

Tame shrews were harder to come by than one expected them to be. Shakespeare had brought a revolution to the rodent taming business with a special emphasis on shrews. However, it's died down a bit as of late. Harry Houdini was a master shrew tamer. He would travel the world taming shrews. He came to it naturally but his father disapproved of his taming habits.

Tagglin Feire was a wee man who sat on stumps. He thought it his civil duty and took it very seriously. That is, until he deigned to sit on the Queen's stumps. Royal stumps are not to be touched let alone sat upon. He was thrown into The Tower of London for six days and twelve nights.

Barbara Streisand feels no compassion for the tiny man in apartment eight. She once found him eating with his hands to which there was great screaming.

Tiles are the textile equivalent to a bacon wrapped peach cobbler in some cultures. Bacon wrapped peach cobbler being the premier place of business classes in the upper west side.

Wonder Woman was created by a polygamist. Well, more of a bohemian with a wife and girlfriend having all of them live together. That is actual fact.

Chances are you'll never slay a dragon or punch a manticore so you'll never be quite as cool as Surias Dumph Puncher of All Things Mythical. He once punched a dragon in the mouth so hard it's kidneys ruptured. So... yeah.

Thomas the Tank Engine never saw the apocalypse coming. He did, however, thrive in it's harsh conditions. "Kill or be killed" was Thomas' motto and he followed it to the letter no matter the circumstances. Trains will do that, you know. First sign of trouble and they go feral, taking down anyone they come across.

Pt 19: Flanders Peak

Friday June 3rd, 2016
9 am (6 3/4 hours of sleep)

The octopus of Flanders Peak sat atop it's tempest worn domain. It surveyed all those scrambling up the side of it's mountain; the so called heroes. Among those brave enough to fight the beast was a swarthy swashbuckler named Reise. Reise had rescued more damsels and slayed more monsters than he could recollect. He had even rescued a couple monsters and slayed a fair few maidens. "Whatever the situation called for" is what he always said.

Peter Poodle Lover and his brigade of battle poodles seemed to be in attendance along with Jeremy Strickler Tamer of The Augnoot Army. The augnoot is a small hairy creature of such guile and cunning that all the people's of the land dreaded what would happen if they were able to put aside their egos and band together. Well, quite a few augnoots thinking they could do just that got together to raze the country side. Unfortunately for the augnoots they found it incredibly difficult to follow another of their own species. So during a time of great in-fighting they decided they would follow the next being they came across. It just so happened that a young boy of the age of twelve happened along down the path presently resided by the augnoot army. After many campaigns under Jeremy's leadership, the augnoot army was not quite what they once were but Jeremy was confident that slaying this fabled beast would rally more to his army.

Also among the ranks of heroes was Merrida the Magnificent Subduer of the great cat uprising and Swillow the Meek who was more a chronicler of great deeds and was frequently seen in the presence of heroes. The lesser wizard Deigel Cantrip Wielder was also among their number. As was Tom Bombadil whose knowledge of how the natural world works allowed him to jump from universe to universe.

All these heroes and more scaled the side of Flanders Peak step by step all coming to try their mettle. That is except Tom who just wanted a spot of tea with the octopus.

The great cephalopod readied itself for conflict when suddenly and seemingly from nowhere at all, a hole tore open in the very air above the peak. What came from the hole was entirely unexpected by the onlookers. A woman in a long white coat accompanied by a chair came squelching into a mud hole. She lay unconscious and totally still with all eyes on her.

Pt 18: The Element

Thursday June 2nd, 2016
9:12 am (8 1/2 hours of sleep)

The discovery of yet another element was such an exciting prospect to Dr Brikenhauser that he had quite forgotten to check on the stability of his new element. Brikonium, as he would name it, would prove to be a most interesting element indeed. As he danced about the lab unfastening the cork from a bottle of champagne and pouring the bubbly liquid into his lab assistant's out held glass, everything grew completely still. The champagne poured like molasses and movement became quite difficult. It was as if the element in it's moment of decay was draining the kinetic energy from the room to stay intact.  The effect was that movement in the element's vicinity would keep it's bond much longer and much more intensely.

Dr Brikenhauser deduced as much and set his assistant to building a machine with as many moving parts as she possibly could. Given the resources around them and a lack of an engineering degree between either of them, the machine turned out cruder than hoped for yet still effective in it's purpose. Though the building of it was difficult indeed with the Brikonium's effect. Whilst putting the finishing touches to their machine while dancing about to keep the Brikonium alive, they noticed the element started to vibrate slightly.

Their kinetic machine now functional with no clear purpose other than to create as much kinetic energy as possible was dubbed 'The Kinetifier'. Though moving the crank and moving themselves grew more and more difficult due to the absorbing effect of the lump of Brikonium, they persisted. The lump of Brikonium started vibrating more intensely while also absorbing it's own movements perpetuating it's own cycle. Suddenly, emanating from within. A deep ultraviolet light brought scrawlings across the wall in a language that neither of them knew. They supposed it must be an ancient dialect of Armenian as these things always seemed to be.

While the doctor and his assistant set about to record the text, the element's continued movements seemed to have yet another effect on itself. The sound in the room distorted in strange ways. Pitches changed and frequencies shifted at will. It was as if sound too was being absorbed by the element.

As the vibrations grew so did the intensity of the light and the distortion of sound until... There was a flash of blinding yet dark ultraviolet light as the element exploded with all the energy it had been fed. Though due to the continued absorbing effect, the explosion seemed to both be an explosion and more menacingly, an implosion. This was the worst case scenario. A singularity had formed in his laboratory. Dr Brikenhauser noted the only things being pulled toward the singularity were he and his assistant. It seemed only organic tissue, movement, and sound were affected by the singularity's pull. The doctor felt his feet slowly fly out from under him and as he hurtled toward the singularity, he pondered all the actions that brought him to this point. Cause and Effect. He would have chuckled if he had the mind to. However, he didn't seem to have a mind for anything as his screams tore from his throat and headed first into that sucking unknown.

His assistant had tried to not fall in by holding a chair but had just dragged the thing with her. She disappeared past the event horizon. The doctor wondered whether he would ever see her again. This, however was the last thing he thought in our plain of existence as he fell headlong into the void.

Without organic tissue, sound, or movement to keep the singularity stable, it collapsed. The pages of ancient text and a missing chair being the only evidence of anything ever happening.

Pt 17: And Their

Wednesday June 1st, 2016
8:43 am (6 hours of sleep)

Terribly Tiring Teddy was the worst twenty-three year old in a diaper. His old school marm left when he turned 6. So he never knew how to properly act or behave.

Tenaciously gifted salamanders eat nothing but broccoli stems for a few years. Jill was done with her stay at home level of care. She was going to be a free mom! So after showing her two year old how to vacuum, she took off for lands unknown.

Teddy bears are just memorials to a dead president's trophies. Totally mistakable for me, Hendrixson left after a waiter did just that.

Suzy Dillonis decided enough was enough and threw her computer at her brother's face. Marcus Dillonis didn't see it coming. Nor would he ever see anything coming ever again.

Space plants are varied and supremely blessed to be in existence. Some seem to be herbivores. Plant eating plants prey upon the weakest of all plant species, the lichen. Ant soldiers march upon the people of Texas to reclaim their land.

Supposing the earth was elliptical or a möbius strip, we wouldn't be able to concentrate on our work due to the utterings of mad men going on about how the planet is round.

"Goodness gracious!" Yelled the lady in pink.
"Watch where you put your face!" Cried the man in blue.

Rumbling hills of linguini yell sweet nothings to the sky above. Only after two would you too be available for a fun afternoon session of tea cakes.

Left wing eagles and their right wing cousins need to hold onto each other to stay in the air. Solar panels are selfish sun swilling pigs. Hooting ravenously at the owl, Jed Hopkins decided he wanted to be a flea instead.

Drone monkeys are the most technologically deficient of the drone family. Felix Durant left his keys in his brother's mother's dog's house. Unfortunately, the pup wouldn't let him pick them up so he had to move.