Pt 24: Midgarden

Wednesday June 8th, 2016
9:16 am (8 1/3 hours of sleep)

ports 'port glasses of port upon a winding path. Plenty of pontification pales possibly powerful potters.

The mountain of Midgarden was the seat of power for Salacious B Crumb and his forces. Salacious had become quite the powerful warlord. This made the people of Haladox VII exceedingly nervous and altogether uncomfortable.

Haladox VII was a flat but beautiful planet with only one lone snow capped tree covered mountain. This mountain, the mountain of Midgarden, was the planet's most holy site. Midgarden spawned a pantheon of heroes and God's who fought relentlessly for the title of Ruler of Midgarden.

When Salacious landed on planet and learned of these histories and myths he gathered a crew and took the mountain, in a well coordinated assault, for himself. At first the locals were deeply offended and tried to take their holy site back from the off-worlder. After having their efforts repulsed several times, they prayed that a new hero would arise and rid their holy site from the invading gang.

A portly gentleman by the name of Harold Phleming found he could no longer support his twenty-three year old son once he had lost his job. His son Theodore Phleming was an out of work microbiologist with dreams of becoming a legendary lover. However, his inability to speak to anyone was a frustrating roadblock in life. He had once been given the opportunity to work past his fears but he was frustratingly comfortable in his solitude and decided it was easier to just stay where he was. Now that he was being kicked out of the house he needed to work through his comfortable ineptitudes and actually grow. Theodore decided to travel far and wide as a silent transient finding odd jobs to support himself in his travels.

Eventually Theodore found himself on a planet with one lone mountain that turned out to be quite the disputed territory. After spending time with the locals and learning of the source of their fears, he decided to check out the lone earthy spire and it's current denizens.

Theodore infiltrated the forest at the base of the mountain with ease and found himself within a compound built in the side of Midgarden itself. It seemed Salacious and his crew had been attempting to deforest the mountain but had been struck by a series of mysterious set backs. Theodore realized if he acted the role of "guardian spirit of the forest" he could scare away the superstitious gang.

After a week of destroying the efforts of Salacious' crew and allowing them to glimpse him every now and then the spirits of the crew were falling drastically. After a month, the crew was just about ready to leave.

Half way into his second month of subterfuge, Theodore had caused several gang members to desert. The remaining men thought Salacious an idiot for coming in the first place and chained their old boss to a large galithian tree as means of a tribute to the forest. Salacious freed himself that night and made haste to the nearest space port. His crew already gone, no one was left in the forest but Theodore.

The people of Haladox VII finding out the truth, declared Theodore their hero and new Ruler of Midgarden. Theodore's rule was heralded as one of the most just and quiet reigns ever to grace the mountain side.

Pt 15: The Panel

Monday May 30th, 2016
8:26 am (7 hours of sleep)

Tumbling through forever, I found I couldn't speak. I had found myself along passages of time and space long since forgotten by the children of the infinite. What seemed like eons and millenia adrift along corridors and passages, I came upon a door labeled "maintenance". How I managed to open said door I cannot say but I know one thing is for certain. I should never have crossed the mantle of that ill fated room.

It seemed like a natural boiler room. All except the far end had a large panel with all sorts of buttons, dials, levers, and many colored blinking lights. All of these seemed to be labeled with some function of the universe from causing rain to fall to creating planets and other celestial bodies. I would have had to exhibit a level of self control I knew in my wanderings of the infinite, I had long since lost.

I approached the panel all aglow with thoughts and ideas of what this might mean for reality. Did I, at this very moment, have the power to create and destroy the very fabric of what we had ever known? I inspected this panel of creation and realized there had been someone here long before my own admittance to this back room of reality. Some switches had what looked like a layer of dust on them while yet others seemed newly installed and shiny.

As I inspected the panel I noticed some buttons and levers were pushing and pulling themselves. One button labeled "birth" kept pressing itself with a speed no mortal man would be able to track. another labeled "death" seemed to be attempting to keep up with it's counterpart. All the buttons and levers each having there own distinct purpose clearly labeled was fascinating enough, though through my inspections I became transfixed with one particular lever the color of cobalt. Not because I knew what would occur should I use it for it's designated purpose but because I didn't know it's purpose. It was ancient in design with a layer of dust showing it's neglect but what interested me most was the fact of it being unlabeled. Something of it's mystery was so enticing that I had to interact with it.

I found my hands upon that mysteriously beautiful piece of cobalt equipment That now I wish I had never laid eyes on and with almost no force at all had flipped it. What came next is hard to describe. The senses of a physical being like myself don't seem to e acute enough to take all that I witnessed in. Several colors and hues that don't exist upon any known spectrum appeared to come from within the machine and swallowed all other colors from the room. My senses overcome and failing me, I started to question my sanity as a deafening sound akin to the chaotic roaring of a battlefield though not like any field of battle I have witnessed. As the sound grew in crescendo all emotions of awe or wonderment seemed to have been absorbed by the panel only to be replaced by dread and a sense of impending death. Not my own death but the death of everything. The death of reality. I fought with the switch attempting to will the thing to it's previous position. However, nothing I did nor any number of profanities forced the object of my previous fascination to it's starting position.

As the cacophonous roar grew ever more I saw upon the floor printed as plain as you are reading this right now, a sign which read, "Caution: interfering with the workings of this panel may cause an imbalance and subsequent total collapse of reality. Have a pleasant day". The reading of the sign was the last thing I experienced as the hallways and backrooms of reality collapsed into nothing.

Pt 4: Space-Jelly

Thursday May 19th, 2016
8:02am (6 1/2 hours of sleep)

"Terrible events are afoot" said the Marquise of Much Prestidigitation. Manxsome foes are the hardest types of foes. Cheesy butter leaves much to be desired. Windows to the soul are much like a watercress sandwich. Tiger balm sounds beautifully explosive. When shattered realms come up for air, so then will my theremin be located and held at bay. The fridge sometimes on very rare occasions will go ahead and force feed you dates in your sleep.

Triglen Fae never knew his parents. Being left on the stoop of the Sha of Jasswua left him with many questions. How great must the feeling of Barry Kramer's left hook be, after the triumphant supplanting of the Duke o' Taffy. How many people does it take to make an eighty foot wondrous cave of wondrous befuddlement? "About two really inquisitive snails".

Put forth upon the rock of time,

Held by pewter magazines,

I finally found what was mine,

Not before I had to drag a bean.

Hopelessly and wonderfully lost I found myself wondering if I would ever once again see the light of day. I had misplaced myself once again and didn't  know which way was up. The Shanderseen had taken all my knowledge of it's realm and bottled it up.

Kimono clad komodo dragons have learned the secrets of space-time in the islands of Sthuewoity. What they're going to do with it is anyone's guess. However, I heard jellyfish come in many poultry shapes. This would make sense as poultry has eaten logs and logs of taffy rolls. Figs knew the answers to the questions to the ponderings of the elite turtle dove whistlers. Once in a while I felt a big claw give me the well placed and much deserved fish of the depths of wheels.

Time can be replaced by jelly. If only you believe in the space-jelly theory. Tim Sanderson thinks the space-jelly theory would leave us all perpetually sticky and sweet. One's disposition of positions has posited itself against the supposition  of depositions. Plague monkeys feel nothing for society and it's selfish norms. Although water buffaloes have great compassion towards the lost, they have absolutely none for a wayward borogove.

Pt 3: Shaz Butts

Wednesday May 18th, 2016
7:06am (6 1/8 hours of sleep)

Happenstances being what they are have led us to a very precarious situation we, for lack of a better term, are Shuz Butts. Real quality contenders have all the time in the world to find the twenty square miles of peace that they think space jamborees should use for intergalactic ball pits. Quality knees are hard to harvest nowadays. They wriggle, squirm, kick, and slash but they can't be more than twenty feel tall before they reach a higher plane of consciousness.

Gifts are the second best places to start a coup. The wrapping can get in on the fun and, as we all know, wrapping knows a lot about building yurts. Chaotically numbing is the best place to set down on the same place as a cosmonaut. Take Geraldine for example, he found out he's a space hamster. Space hamsters think only of themselves, as they became the dominant race on Chalthoa IV before the rubber duckies even had a chance to do anything about it.

Quilliden Trost has all the answers for humanity. Peggy Neuria left the Shaz Butt community of international affairs for a younger panda faced Jelly Powder boy. Never has there been such an uprising before.

Salutations my dear Montgomery,
before today you knew me as the shadow thief of Naga Sadow's mantle piece. However, you will know me for tempting The Prince of Cameroon with a maroon camera. Never before has bell dancing been as much a national sport as it is now. So much so in fact that General Ford has shown us the correct way of exploiting fandoms of The Nighthawk Lads.

Tasty treats of tasty meats meet treat safety deets.

Fragrant understanding of the human genome leads to the discovery of soluble saliva. Pig pinchers have increased in popularity today as the leading carrot prince signed the treaty of Shaz Butt.

Never dishonestly and overtly covered in brown lice, the rice minister sought refuge for the then playful remarks of a schooner.